Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
