6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i was born a porn star she said
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
