I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
