I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
