Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
