I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize