you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
