Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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