Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
