Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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