mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
