This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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