yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
