It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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