my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
