There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
