Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
