yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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