she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
