Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize