dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
