I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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