It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize