i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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