haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize