Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
