come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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