I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
