Me. At least after what I've been through.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
