So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
