What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
