You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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