I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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