dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
