dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Everything about him screamed your future.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
