even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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