oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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