you guys were way drunker than both of me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
