this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
