I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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