Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
