I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
