# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
