i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
