On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
