Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
