Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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