I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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