Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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