i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
