You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
