I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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