My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
