hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
