Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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