you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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