Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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