i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
