feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
