i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
