dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
