You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
