So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Randomize
