Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
