You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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