what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
