I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
