Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
