New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
