Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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