dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize