if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I love you.
Bad choice
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