is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
