I wish I could punch you in the face.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
