its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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