she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
