you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
