you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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