I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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