What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
