How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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