white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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