I need to stop coming to work sober
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
