Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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