for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize