there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
