great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
