it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
