5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
