see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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